EMO T_T

I am stress and i am emo.....it has been bloody long since i last wrote a blog entry and I think now its time to start over again, to start something new, and here it comes my new blog.
I used to think that life had been great at all time for me, as fantastic as a rainbow, with lots of love and fun...
Yet, since I came to SG, I have totally changed my mind, I have totally change my point of view about life...beyond all the fun i had, beyond all the love I received, there are a lot of challenges for me...and I am facing with it, painfully...
I miss my mom, my dad, my grandma, grandpa, my lil bro... and my friends a lot. Life here is absolutely different from what i had experienced. I may say, it is scary. Some people, they are not being themselves, they are wearing masks in order to please others, to satisfy others...what the point of not living yourself..??? i just don't understand what the hell is going on? futhermore, those people are really scary...you will never ever know what they think or what they are gonna do to you...you dont know whether or not you are endanger yourself.
I am not exaggerated at all upon there... i am just telling the truth... I am just scared of my life...
i think maybe i am not mentally and physically prepared yet.
And it's hard for me to find a true friend here (but luckily i found some whom i do not want to mention). People here are way too different, they do not have the same circumstances of life like me...they are not like me, they do not grow up in the same environment and receive the same education as me... they are just different... i cant give in myself for whatever conversation they have...i cant join because its not the way i always behave myself...they are too different... i miss my friend... a lot and a lot... how nice they are... how lovely and adorable and caring they are...how they care for me...how they let me cry on their shoulders and console me whenever i'm sad... i remember all the times we share together...and i know that they are still waiting for me...waiting for me to come back and we're gonna hang out again...
at this very moment, tear is scalding my eyes... the atmosphere becomes so lonely... alone in the dark
i prefer being like this rather than got people around me, talking those stuff that i wish i could ever understand
SB is online
Tp is online, everyone is online but seemingly i have no mood to talk to them
i have been so different
i have been so emo over these few months
i dont understand what is happening to me
i dont understand the consequences of life
im just getting weak
i have to try to fake a smile, a happy face everyday, but deep inside, im feeling empty, lonely and disgusted.
i have no idea how to move on
but i cant give up right....
i wish if there is anyone could go by my side now and let me cry, loudy, and let me share what i feel....let me be myself...
when will that moment come and find me?... I'm waiting, patiently